Welcome to the last of this series on community relationships. Thanks to all who wrote. Read all the columns at FaithToday.ca/FellowshipSkills.
Conflict is nothing new to the Christian community. From the Early Church disputes recorded in Acts to modern tensions in congregational life, believers have long wrestled with how to live together in unity. Yet in a time when divisions often seem to grow faster than reconciliation, Christians are called to embody a different way.
In nearly every instance of church conflict I’ve witnessed – whether among elders, small group leaders, youth volunteers or entire congregations – the core breakdown has come down to three missing ingredients – listening, understanding and respect. These are not optional skills. They are vital practices rooted in the gospel and central to the unity of Christ’s body.
Conflict in Christian communities is rarely just about the surface issue – the spiritual health of the community is revealed in how we handle discord.
Paul urges the Philippian church to be "of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind" (Philippians 2:2). But such unity doesn’t come from simply agreeing on everything – it comes from embodying the humility of Christ and treating one another with compassion, even amid disagreement.
Listening makes space for the Spirit
James 1:19 instructs us to be "quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." That’s an invitation to spiritual formation. Active listening within a church context means making space to truly hear one another, not merely waiting for a chance to respond.
When we fail to listen well, assumptions thrive. Misunderstandings grow. But when Christian communities cultivate a culture of listening – with patience and openness – the Holy Spirit often reveals deeper truths beneath the surface. Listening is a way of saying, "You matter. Your ex perience matters. Let’s discern together what God is doing in our midst."
Understanding sits with complexity
One of the greatest challenges in any disagreement is to see beyond our own perspective. Proverbs 18:2 warns us, "A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion." Within the Church, this can take the form of doubling down on our interpretation, dismissing others’ experiences or assuming bad motives.
But Christian understanding is more than agreement. It’s empathy. It’s the willingness to sit with complexity. As we draw near to one another in love, we imitate Christ who took on flesh to fully understand and redeem humanity.
Christlike respect
Every person in the Church is made in the image of God. Genesis 1:27 declares this foundational truth, and yet it is so easy to lose sight of it when we’re frustrated, hurt or feeling unheard.
Ephesians 4:29–32 calls us to use our words to build each other up, and extend kindness and forgiveness. Respect is not earned by agreeing with us – we give respect because we recognize who someone is in Christ. When church members treat one another with respect, even in conflict, a foundation for reconciliation is built.
Without respect tensions escalate. People retreat, become defensive or lash out. But when respect is present, conversations become redemptive instead of destructive.
Reimagining conflict
What if our conflicts were seen not as threats to our community, but as invitations to deeper unity?
In 1 Corinthians 13 Paul writes that love "does not insist on its own way." In the Church being right is not the highest goal – being faithful is. When disagreements are navigated with humility, the outcome is not only peace, but also growth in Christlikeness.
We must ask, "Are we more concerned with defending our position? Or with preserving the unity of the Spirit?"
The call to listen, understand and respect is not limited to leaders. We are each stewards of the Church’s witness in the world.
Conflict will happen. But by approaching it with gospel-centred humility, we offer the world a glimpse of a different kind of community – one shaped not by self-interest or division, but by grace and truth.
Let’s be known as a people who seek understanding over outrage, respect over accusation and reconciliation over victory. In doing so, we reflect the heart of Christ and strengthen the Church for the work He has called us to do together.
Chris Ellison of London, Ont., operates Ellison Counselling (EllisonCounselling.com). Read more of these columns at FaithToday.ca/FellowshipSkills. Illustration of man: Vectorium