How to be an instrument of peace

How good are we at expressing disagreement, saying sorry, being humble, rebuking and the like? Let’s reflect together in this series.

I

was recently watching a movie where the main character, at the climax of the story, was consumed by anxious thoughts and feelings. All I wanted to do was help bring them some peace.

Later I thought about how there are people all around me experiencing the same stress, consumed by anxiety, stuck in chaos. Some are drowning in the expectations of work, family and finances. Others are living with unresolved trauma or grief.

The antidote for all this is peace. Biblical peace, summarized in the Hebrew word shalom, is all about right relationships with God, one another and creation. Scripture also tells us Jesus is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6).

When we find ourselves in deep waters we are not alone. He is there (Isaiah 43:2–3). When the storm rages Jesus need only speak peace, and even the wind and waves obey Him (Mark 4:35–41).

Christians have for generations been inspired by these truths, have desired to know peace and to share it. Perhaps you’ve prayed or sung this famous prayer:

But how can we bring peace?

Here are some places to start.

Keep calm.

I can’t hear these words without thinking of that slogan Keep calm and carry on. But they speak a truth we need when someone around us is anxious, stressed and overwhelmed. Perhaps you’ve heard it said that anxiety is contagious. When we feel overcome with emotions or judgment about a situation, we can no longer be an instrument of peace. On the other hand, if we can embrace a non-anxious posture, we can absorb the anxiety and offer peace.

To help, we must remember we’re separate from the other person’s emotions and anxieties. We need to know who we are and be confident in our identity. Often we need to set boundaries (see a previous column in this series).

Also, we need to remember we can control our emotions. We can self-regulate by taking slow, deep breaths or praying a quick breath prayer (inhale: Lord, exhale: have mercy). Knowing how to regulate emotions takes practice, so this is something we want to grow in before we need it. Then we’ll be able to call on these skills and bring peace in chaos.

We can be an instrument of peace by keeping calm and providing space for others to share their stress and anxieties.

Name the emotion.

The concept Name it to tame it, taught by psychologist Dan Siegel, conveys how naming our emotions reduces their intensity and helps us feel less overwhelmed. Naming our emotions reduces stress and anxiety, and increases peace.

When overwhelmed we can’t always identify what we’re feeling. We might need support to figure it out. Some skills that come in handy when we’re helping to name emotions are validation, active listening and curiosity.

By validating we communicate that the emotion felt is appropriate and true – remembering always that It’s okay to not be okay. In active listening we’re paying attention to the other, giving them our undivided attention and engaged responses. We notice and acknowledge the things we hear, giving the speaker the ability to clarify or reframe. With curiosity we ask open-ended questions, not assuming we know what the other is experiencing or communicating.

We can be an instrument of peace by helping others identify and name their emotions.

Need help? Ask for it.

If we’re struggling to find peace, we’re feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed, we can remind ourselves we’re not alone. Seeking the support of family, friends, a pastor or counsellor is a good strategy. Galatians 6:4 encourages us to “share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ” (NLT).

We can let someone help us carry the load. We can let them be an instrument of peace.

Linda Penco of North Vancouver is a registered clinical counsellor in B.C. and a recent grad from the MA in marriage and family therapy program at Briercrest Seminary. Read more in this series at FaithToday.ca/FellowshipSkills.