Guest columnist Tryphena Perumalla-Gagnon reflects on teaching our children digital literacy and how to use screens in healthy ways.
I t’s officially summer. School is out, the weather is warm and the kids are home. It’s supposed to be a season of rest and delight – at least that’s what Pinterest suggests. But for me, it has quickly become one of the most stressful seasons for parenting.
The expectations of what makes a good summer are endless and polarizing, especially around screen time. What should children and grandchildren be allowed or encouraged to do?
There’s a sharp contrast between the good feelings we have about some technology – amazing medical advancements and ways to connect – and all the fear, guilt and divided opinions that come with guiding our children around technology.
Let’s rethink three commonly accepted ideas about screen time.
The first major struggle many parents have is with the idea that screens are bad. Where did this fear come from?
Amanda Diekman in her book Low-Demand Parenting (Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2023), unpacks what sociologists continue to learn about major societal shifts. Any time a change happens, especially a fast-paced one, it results in a collective anxiety that becomes focused on one specific thing.
Over the 16th to 18th centuries there were debates about whether playing cards were sinful and frivolous. In the late 18th century there was anxiety around reading, especially novels (yes, people worried about their kids “having their nose stuck in a book”). The new thing ends up receiving a negative moral value.
But phones and books and playing cards can be used for beauty or harm – as can many things including screen-based devices. I can consume toxic content. I can write hurtful texts. I can also learn about history, theology, do my banking, solve a math puzzle and even write this article.
Let’s put aside the sweeping judgment that screens are bad and accept that they are morally neutral.
Second, do screens hinder creativity and free play?
Some of the ways screens are used in our home may help with this question. One of my children loves to create art. You will often find them with canvas and paint. However, they have also discovered they can create on their iPad. They have found apps that teach them to draw and shade in new ways on their device. They now create both digital and physical art.
My other child is constantly asking questions. Their inquisitiveness knows no bounds. They know they can take their questions to Google or YouTube to find a video of an engineer answering one of their many questions.
My children both also have a strong desire for connection. Their devices have allowed them to foster deep and meaningful relationships with their cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. They are learning to ask good questions, carry out meaningful conversations and share the delights of their daily lives.
Recognizing the ways screens benefit my children, I’m cautious when making sweeping negative statements.
They also love stories – whether for the mystery, the comedy, to learn of others’ lived experiences or to see themselves represented. The conversations, questions and critical thinking that these experiences cultivate are beautiful.
Recognizing all the different ways screens benefit my children, I’m cautious when making sweeping negative statements.
Third, let’s touch on the idea that screens cultivate addiction.
This is a big worry for me and the parents I talk with. But I find it so helpful to remember the many psychologists who say that addiction is often a mental health indicator.
If our children are struggling with addictive behaviour with screens, it’s likely a symptom of something else. Instead of clamping down on device usage alone, it’s probably more helpful to use curiosity to see if there are other, more basic areas in which our children are struggling.
Please hear me – I am not advocating for unmonitored usage. I am encouraging a reframe on the shame we place around screen time. I am suggesting a collaborative approach where we have the opportunity to teach our children digital literacy and how to use screens in healthy ways. Because screens are, in fact, morally neutral.
I am encouraging a summer where we do not feel guilt around our children’s use of screens but are able to celebrate with them when they encounter something they love, screen-related or not. We celebrate their creativity, curiosity and story-loving selves, as they themselves are made in the image of a creative, curious, story-telling God.
Tryphena Perumalla-Gagnon of Guelph, Ont., is a co-host on the TV show See Hear Love (SeeHearLove.com). Find more of these columns at FaithToday.ca/ThrivingInDigital. Photo of child writing: Fxquadro