Raising kids when sexism is trending and the gospel is still good
O
n a Tuesday night in Ontario, I open Instagram between dishes and bedtime, and see a familiar name. A kid from my old youth group has shared a reel from a Christian influencer who calls himself a truth teller. The clip is a quick cut of applause lines about “real men,” a joke about feminist feelings, a call for boys to be kings.
It’s the kind of content that travels well in group chats because it sounds confident and looks church adjacent. This one is from a high-profile American political commentator. My heart dips. I type, “Hey, can we talk about this one?” Then I sit for a minute with the quiet.
This is Canada. We are not immune. Sexism is not disappearing. It’s evolving. It lives on the same platforms our kids use on the bus and in school hallways. It hides in self-help language. It dresses up as satire.
Algorithms learn fast and feed faster, pulling boys from fitness talk to a world view that sells dominance as destiny, and pulling girls toward a curated softness that calls submission sacred. None of this is neutral.
The Church’s response can’t be a shrug or a scold. This is not just a culture problem. It is a discipleship problem. By discipleship I mean the steady shaping of loves and loyalties. Algorithms do this on a large scale. The Church can do it with wisdom.
Working definition:
Algorithmic discipleship is the way recommendation systems train attention, values and habits through repeated exposure.
I write as a Canadian mother and a Christian author who loves her local church with a stubborn, kitchen table kind of love. I also write as someone who has watched faith get hollowed out by power structures that pretend to be holy.
The internet did not invent male chauvinism. It automated it. So let us name what is happening, then build a plan that fits the actual lives we live, bouncing from school gyms to church sanctuaries, winter boots by the door, a Tim Hortons run on the way to youth group.
The tomb is still empty. The news is still good. We will need that song in our bones if we want to raise kids who can tell a counterfeit gospel from the real one.
What boys are hearing and how to answer
Canadian boys are being told masculinity is earned through control. That feelings make you weak. That women are a test or a trophy. Sometimes the message comes wrapped in humour, which makes it harder to challenge without sounding humourless.
Sometimes it shows up in talk about working out, grinding, leveling up, dominating. None of those words are evil on their own. But within a few swipes the current can carry boys into contempt. Contempt feels powerful. It also trains the heart to forget tenderness. That is the opposite of Jesus.
Our answer can’t just be a list of do-nots. Boys need a better yes. Show them men who repent. Show them men who apologize without collapsing. Show them men strong enough to be gentle, who change a diaper at 3 a.m., who hold doors because they serve everyone, not because women are fragile.
Let them hear us say that power is not a toy. In the Kingdom of God, power is a tool for protection and repair. I want my son to remember the sound of his dad saying, “I was wrong,” and the way we hugged after. That memory can outshout an influencer on a bad day.
PHOTO: MARIELA FERBO
BOYS / SIMPLE PRACTICES FOR HOMES, YOUTH GROUPS & CHURCHES
- Three screens, one conversation. Watch a short social media clip together. Name what is true, false, and ask what story about men and women sits underneath the advice. Pray one sentence at the end. Keep it short. Keep it steady.
- Mentor pairs. Put men and boys in the same room with a clear topic – tenderness, repentance, shared work at home. Let boys ask blunt questions. Let men answer without defensiveness.
- Service before swagger. Add a regular act of service to your youth calendar. Shovel snow for seniors. Pack hampers. Boys need to feel strength used for good. Muscles remember.
What girls are hearing and how to answer
Canadian girls are being told their worth rests in being pleasing and small. Sometimes it wears a cottage-core dress with a Bible verse in cursive. Sometimes it wears a blazer and a smile that says you can have it all if you never complain.
Both messages preach the same lie – you exist to support someone else’s calling. Call it tradwife aesthetic if you like, which is social media content idealizing hypertraditional gender roles. Call it hustle culture if that lands closer to home. Either way, girls learn to curate themselves instead of becoming whole. The Church can’t baptize that pressure and call it holiness.
Our answer is not only protection. It is commissioning. Teach girls that their voices matter because God keeps calling women to speak. Tell the stories. Deborah’s courage. Rizpah’s vigil. Mary Magdalene announcing the Resurrection while the men were still sorting themselves out.
Then give them practice. Put girls on microphones for Scripture reading and prayer. Pay attention when they speak around the table. Ask what they think. When they lead do not call it helping. Call it leadership. Let them watch women teach theology without apology. Let them watch men delight in that gift.
PHOTO: LEIRE CAVIAO
GIRLS / SIMPLE PRACTICES FOR HOMES, YOUTH GROUPS & CHURCHES
- Four voices a month. Plan worship so girls see at least four different women lead across a month in areas such as Scripture, prayer, teaching and music. Name them in the bulletin.
- Kitchen table commissioning. Take five minutes on a Sunday to bless girls who already serve. Lay hands gently. Speak a short blessing over courage, wisdom and joy.
- Skill, not stage. Offer training in Bible study, media literacy and public speaking. Pair girls with mentors. Give them small projects with real stakes.
Why this is pastoral, not partisan
In Canada our congregations include people who vote across the spectrum, share pews with neighbours who disagree and still pass the same plate of muffins. That is a gift. It also means we need language that refuses lazy binaries.
Sexism is not only out there. It hides in our jokes. It sneaks into our marriage teaching when we confuse hierarchy with holiness. It sits in small groups when only the men really study while women serve snacks. Naming this is not picking a party. It is telling the truth so our kids can breathe.
If we will not say it out loud, YouTube will. If we will not disciple our kids around phones and feeds, TikTok will. Faith Today has already named the digital challenge clearly. Algorithms shape what we see, then silo us by interest, including how we receive the gospel online. This is formation, not a fad.
After I preached at St. John’s Presbyterian Church in Bradford, two moms and a granddad stopped me by the coffee urn. My sermon had drawn from my book, She Believed: Recovering the Fierce Faith of the Women of Scripture and Ourselves (Independent, 2025), sharing how Scripture centres women’s leadership and how families can disciple kids in a culture that loudly denigrates women.
“My boy keeps seeing this guy on YouTube,” one said to me.
“Mine too,” the granddad nodded. We did not launch a program. We started a practice. We swapped three simple questions for debriefing what kids see online, traded a short prayer families could say without awkwardness and promised to meet again.
We lived out the simple strategy I’m promoting there at St. John’s. Not a committee first, but a conversation beside a kettle and a promise to keep going.
A CANADIAN FIELD GUIDE FOR CHURCHES FOR THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
This plan fits our actual everyday lives.
Media night, every quarter.
Bring snacks. Watch three trending clips. Ask two questions for each. (1) “What is attractive here?” (2) “What is missing?” Close with a 30-second prayer. Send families home with a one-page conversation map.
A visible dignity statement.
Post something simple in the foyer and online like this: “In this church we proclaim that women and men are made in God’s image. We do not platform voices that demean. We teach boys that strength serves. We teach girls that gifts lead. We repent when we fail.”
Phones and formation in youth ministry.
No surveillance theatre. Teach agency. Model Sabbath from screens. Let teens set their own limits and share them with a friend. Celebrate experiments more than perfection.
Stock Canadian women on your shelves.
Build a small library or digital list of Canadian women who preach, teach and write. Cite them from the pulpit. Use their work in small groups. When you quote women as authorities, kids notice.
Fund formation like you mean it.
Budget for mentorship honoraria, child care during trainings and resources for families who need support. Pay the people who do the work so more people can say yes.
ICONS: SHUTTERSTOCK.COM
What to do when a child repeats harmful content
This will happen. A child parrots, “Women are too emotional to lead,” or “Boys need to take charge.” Take a breath. Get curious. Ask, “Where did you hear that?” Ask, “What do you think it means?” Name the kernel of truth that got twisted. Then tell the Christian story again, bigger and better.
Use short replies that carry weight:
- “In our house strength lifts others.”
- “In our church authority looks like service.”
- “Confidence is good. Contempt is not.”
- “Jesus trusted women with the biggest news. We do too.”
Your calm is part of the discipleship.
Why this belongs in church
Churches have been engaging digital life for years – parenting, discipleship at home, tech in mission. Bring this work into the centre of congregational life, not the margins. Pair spiritual practices with media literacy. Treat budgets and calendars as discipleship tools. We do not need to match the speed of the feed. We need the steadiness of disciples.
ILLUSTRATION: ICE STOCKER
PARENT GUIDE A THREE-STEP CONVERSATION MAP FOR ANY VIDEO
1 NOTICE
Ask: “What did you like about this clip, and what felt off?” Name the pull without shame.
2 NAME
Ask: “What story about men and women sits under this advice?” Add one sentence of Christian framing: “We believe strength serves, dignity is shared, and love tells the truth.”
3 NEXT
Choose one small practice for the week: device-free meals, an apology made, a shared chore, a kindness done in secret. Pray one sentence together.
TIP: If the clip mocks empathy or centres control say, “That is not how Jesus uses power.” Keep your tone calm. Repeat next week. Skill beats shame.
Taylor Scott-Reimer of Barrie, Ont., is the author of She Believed: Recovering the Fierce Faith of the Women of Scripture and Ourselves (TaylorScottReimer.carrd.co). Read more on this topic in our May/Jun 2023 issue (“Parents, kids & faith” and “The dangers and opportunities of TikTok”) and Jul/Aug 2024 (“Summer, screen time and shame”). Algorithm illustration adapted from Airhead.