An extended review of a 2024 book by Leanne Friesen
Note: Our print issue contains a shorter version of this review. Faith Today welcomes your thoughts on any of our reviews. We also welcome suggestions of other Canadian Christian books to review: Contact us.
Broadleaf Books, 2024. 242 pages. $35 (ebook $25, audio $20)
There is likely no topic as uncomfortable and poorly discussed in our society as how to relate to death and grief. Many of us have felt the pain of losing someone we love, and the process of grieving is often long, complex and never quite the same from person to person.
Just as we ourselves are never prepared to lose someone we love, nor to understand all the painful emotions of that journey, we are equally unequipped to walk with someone else who is grieving.
Because of this, we often result to platitudes and clichés, unintentionally causing even more harm and distress. Unfortunately it is all too true that much of this harm is done in church contexts. Whether because of problematic theology concerning faith and healing, or the desire to see the alleviation of suffering, even at the expense of taking time to grieve, Christians are often woefully unprepared for the reality of death and the process of grief.
Grieving Room: Making Space for all the Hard Things After Death and Loss is an honest and vulnerable reflection on how to better understand personal tragedy and walk with others who are grieving. Leanne Friesen, ordained pastor and executive minister for the Canadian Baptists of Ontario and Quebec, offers a personal memoir of life before and after the death of her sister and a glimpse into not only her own grieving process, but in how to better understand and walk through the deep, dark valley of loss. She calls for space, room to grieve and for others to better understand the challenges and complex emotions that emerge before, during and after the death of a loved one.
For Friesen, who at the time was pastoring at Mount Hamilton Baptist Church, these teachings on grief are deeply personal, emerging out of her sister Roxanne’s diagnosis of melanoma and her eventual death. However, this is not a book on pastoral theology, nor one on how to counsel others who are grieving, though it does focus on such concerns. Grieving Room is first and foremost a memoir of Friesen’s experiences and an encouragement to all those dealing with similar experiences.
As such, one of its core concerns is the feeling of never-ending grief, where “it may seem that there can be no good from your story of loss, no light in the darkness.” The author seeks to encourage readers that there can be a new beginning when grief is not ignored and space is given to mourning, where “room for redemption means making room for the hope that you will not just get through your grief but that there can be ways that you will become a version of yourself that you will be glad to be. Room for redemption gives space for what you don’t think is possible.”
To facilitate this journey, the book is structured across 20 chapters, each dealing with the various emotions and phases both during and after Roxanne’s battle with cancer. Additionally, Friesen has included study questions, practices and prayers with each chapter that readers may use.
Another core facet of Grieving Room are the challenges of walking with others who are grieving. Friesen opens up on her personal experiences with those engaging with her loss, experiences which were both positive and negative. She counsels others to offer patience and to make emotional, mental, spiritual and physical space to grieve, rather than seeking to encourage others to “feel better” or “to move on.”
Ultimately, this is a difficult book to read precisely because it brings readers face to face with all the messy emotions we try to keep hidden. Yet it is exactly because of this difficult subject matter and the honesty within these pages that Grieving Room is a must-read, not only for those currently dealing with the pain of losing a loved one, but for all who seek to walk with those who are grieving.
As Friesen reminds us here, the path of grief is not one that is simple, quick, or easy to understand. But for those who feel the weight of death and struggle to see hope in their life (or those who seek to walk with others through that valley) to make room for grief is to make room for the possibility of new life. This book is a gift to those seeking such hope.
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