Conversations and vulnerability can overcome shame, according to this pastor's daughter
Do youth today know how to identify if they are experiencing a mental health challenge? And do they want to talk about mental health with their peers, parents and youth leaders? The short answer is yes, but there is still more that we can do to increase awareness and reduce stigma around mental health for youth. Teens like Ella are a perfect example of this.
I grew up in a Christian Nigerian-Canadian home. My dad was a pastor, so I was raised going to church. Within some African communities, there’s this stigma around mental health, so growing up I didn’t have a particularly deep understanding of mental health.
In school, people’s perception of me was that I had it all together, because that’s what I wanted them to see. I’ve always outwardly portrayed confidence, even if I feel terrified. I remember noticing in Grade 8 that when I went to school I would get this physiological reaction that didn’t match up with my thoughts. My heart rate would increase and I’d be sweating. At the time, I didn’t identify it as anxiety.
In Grade 10 I read that one symptom of depression is no longer finding joy in activities you once did. I remember thinking, “I used to play so many sports, jump at any chance to volunteer, and stay after school. And now, I’m running home after school.” So I went looking for some information, but I didn’t seek help or talk to anyone about it.
I think the biggest thing that kept me from sharing was shame and fear of not being taken seriously. A part of your brain knows that there’s nothing shameful about it, but as someone who’s always portrayed myself as confident and strong, I didn’t want to be vulnerable and come off as weak.
Grade 11 is when it became almost impossible to hide the struggles I lived with. I was so anxious, my stomach hurt all the time, I felt physically unwell, and I was having breakdowns. One time I had a panic attack and mum said, “You need to see a doctor. I’m going to book you in.”
It was surprising because the idea in my household was that prayer is all you do and your problems are fixed. I’m not denying the power of prayer, but I believe God can help you through people and other means. Modern medicine and therapy, these things come from God. He can work in many different ways to guide you, lead you, and get you the help that you need.
Everyone experiences nervousness, anxiety, and sadness at some point: it’s a part of being human. I feel lighter when I talk to others. Having a conversation with someone face-to-face can positively affect your mental health and make you feel better. I ruminate a lot, and saying it out loud, talking to someone, can put an end to that. It also allows the other person to be there for me.
Your mental health is something that constantly changes, and needs to be nurtured and thought about. As hard as it is to tell someone, communicate the best way you can. If the first person doesn’t help you or doesn’t react the way that you want them to, find someone else. There is no shame in being vulnerable and seeking help.
Want to support youth in their mental health and faith journeys? Explore The Sanctuary Youth Series, a free film-based resource for youth ministries by Sanctuary Mental Health Ministries.
This article is sponsored by Sanctuary Mental Health Ministries, a ministry that equips the Church to support mental health and wellbeing. It has offices in Vancouver and sister charities in the UK and USA.